Often on the first or second date, there is a bit of what I like to call “relationship talk”. Even though you barely know each other, each party typically feels the need to lay all their cards out on the table, 5 minutes into one of your first conversations. Most typically, people pick one of the following common lines.
A) I’m looking for a partner in life – something serious and long term
B) I’m open to a relationship, but I’m not desperately looking for one
C) I don’t really have time for a relationship
D) I don’t want a relationship
Seems simple enough, especially early on in a relationship when you’ve got nothing to lose and everyones still being pretty honest and blunt about what they’re up to. But as with everything in the world of dating – there are double meanings, like the women who play the freewheeling choice D, but have a reverend waiting in the wings. And then there’s what our mothers always told us – “Actions speak louder than words”
My second date with Nate was really no different than a lot of second dates – except this one lasted for 3 days, and we did figure out that there is at least one thing that we do really well together. I will at least throw out there that it isn’t my M-O to sleep with someone date 2. I’m a pretty avid Charlotte York follower and typically stand by the 3 date rule. That being said, you go on a date with a trapeze artist and tell me you didn’t cave.
So off we went last Friday night. We decided to catch a movie, which was simple enough. We were going to stay at my place again, but I hadn’t seen his yet. So, we happily used that as an excuse to check out his domain. Typical male studio, far from the creepy furnishings of the clean line bachelor pad – thank god. It was all very sweet and high school, listen to music, watch a movie, blah blah, make out.
The next morning we got breakfast and headed back toward mine to drop me off. By that time it was lunch. So we got lunch, and then decided to catch a movie – apparently another thing we do well together.
Over our lunch, the age old conversation of what we’re in for came about. We started with a mention of how quickly things are progressing – date two quickly turning into date three – and then he started his slightly nervous declaration of choice C) I don’t really have time for a relationship. Being the nice girl that I am, I came to his rescue reassuring him that we are in fact on the same page, and we left it at that.
After the movie, we made our way back to mine. I was planning on going inside and bidding him farewell until later in the week, but he mentioned that he was watching the soccer at a pub nearby and I should join. So I popped an extra shirt and toothbrush in my bag and jumped back in his car.
Watched the soccer, met some friends and a brother, then headed to dinner. I did stay at his again (looks like I’m going have to start keeping an extra shirt and necessary toiletries in my bag) and we spent most of Sunday together as well – went grocery shopping and made breakfast. Cooked all day – he was prepping for a mexican dinner party later in the week, making a slow roast – and then watched another movie.
Late in the evening, he took me back to mine, and stayed there for the night.
So here’s the thing, back to the four horseman at the beginning of a relationship and what our mothers always told us.
Nate and I both went with choice “C”, but here we are spending an entire weekend together and effectively playing house. So how true did we really stay to the choice we made.
If actions really do speak louder than words, any non-idiot outsider would have lumped us with all the desperately seeking choice A choosers.
Either way, if he’s anything like me – the guard is up, I’m stubborn and I’ll keep it there… so interested or not, this isn’t a relationship. I just can’t help but wonder if we’re all after A, and for varying reasons we’re simply to afraid to admit it.
