A) I’m looking for a partner in life – something serious and long term

B) I’m open to a relationship, but I’m not desperately looking for one

C) I don’t really have time for a relationship

D) I don’t want a relationship

Seems simple enough, especially early on in a relationship when you’ve got nothing to lose and everyones still being pretty honest and blunt about what they’re up to.  But as with everything in the world of dating – there are double meanings, like the women who play the freewheeling choice D, but have a reverend waiting in the wings.  And then there’s what our mothers always told us – “Actions speak louder than words”

My second date with Nate was really no different than a lot of second dates – except this one lasted for 3 days, and we did figure out that there is at least one thing that we do really well together.  I will at least throw out there that it isn’t my M-O to sleep with someone date 2.  I’m a pretty avid Charlotte York follower and typically stand by the 3 date rule.  That being said, you go on a date with a trapeze artist and tell me you didn’t cave.

So off we went last Friday night.  We decided to catch a movie, which was simple enough.  We were going to stay at my place again, but I hadn’t seen his yet.  So, we happily used that as an excuse to check out his domain.  Typical male studio, far from the creepy furnishings of the clean line bachelor pad – thank god.  It was all very sweet and high school, listen to music, watch a movie, blah blah, make out.

The next morning we got breakfast and headed back toward mine to drop me off.  By that time it was lunch.  So we got lunch, and then decided to catch a movie – apparently another thing we do well together.

Over our lunch, the age old conversation of what we’re in for came about.  We started with a mention of how quickly things are progressing – date two quickly turning into date three – and then he started his slightly nervous declaration of choice C) I don’t really have time for a relationship.  Being the nice girl that I am, I came to his rescue reassuring him that we are in fact on the same page, and we left it at that.

After the movie, we made our way back to mine.  I was planning on going inside and bidding him farewell until later in the week, but he mentioned that he was watching the soccer at a pub nearby and I should join.  So I popped an extra shirt and toothbrush in my bag and jumped back in his car.

Watched the soccer, met some friends and a brother, then headed to dinner.  I did stay at his again (looks like I’m going have to start keeping an extra shirt and necessary toiletries in my bag) and we spent most of Sunday together as well – went grocery shopping and made breakfast.  Cooked all day – he was prepping for a mexican dinner party later in the week, making a slow roast – and then watched another movie.

Late in the evening, he took me back to mine, and stayed there for the night.

So here’s the thing, back to the four horseman at the beginning of a relationship and what our mothers always told us.

Nate and I both went with choice “C”, but here we are spending an entire weekend together and effectively playing house.   So how true did we really stay to the choice we made.

If actions really do speak louder than words, any non-idiot outsider would have lumped us with all the desperately seeking choice A choosers.

Either way, if he’s anything like me – the guard is up, I’m stubborn and I’ll keep it there… so interested or not, this isn’t a relationship.  I just can’t help but wonder if we’re all after A, and for varying reasons we’re simply to afraid to admit it.

Quick little backstory – I met this guy at a Tomorrow’s Date event that my friend was running.  It’s like speed dating but rather than sit around tables and chat with people, everyone goes out to do something fun, in this case it was trapeze.  Nate was one of the instructors – blonde, fit, wearing tights, and caught me mid air.  Apparently those are all turn ons.  Not to mention we hit it off on a mutual love of movies and TV.  He seems to be a pretty apathetic guy – one could argue not that into but I’m willing to explore.  It just took a bit patience to get him out, but we got there in the end and it was certainly worth it.

So, after my long awaited facebook reply, we decided to grab a drink and maybe some food. Then we rescheduled a few times but finally stuck to the plan on Sunday.

Yes, I know a Sunday night date – nevertheless off I went it a good pair of jeans and my favorite heels.

I met him in Surry Hills at Fico, a great little wine bar with really nice waiter (important for those who don’t know anything about wine).  We each had a couple glasses and chatted it up quite easily.  He’s working on a film project I’m quite interested in.  Being an American in Sydney we, of course, got on the topic of how long I’m staying here, blah blah blah.  Turns out we’ve both got a bit of the travel bug.  So we swapped stories of Cambodia, West Africa and other places we’d ventured.

• Just a tip – having “drinks and maybe some dinner” is a perfectly strategic first date.  Gets you out together without commitment of lots of time.  If you don’t hit it off  in the first hour, feel free to flee after the drinks.

I must have passed the first hour.  Because we suggested Il Baretto for a bit of dinner.  We put our name in, had a few more drinks at a nearby bar, and enjoyed a bit more small talk. Have to say.  Everything was going comfortably well.

To be honest, as I’m quickly writing this before heading to work, I wish I had some sort of twist to the story, but it really was as simple as that.

After dinner, we walked a bit in the cold. I could tell neither of us was really ready to wrap it up yet, and we were near my place.  So I offered my couch as a movie spot.  We had had a slightly heated debate about Martin Scorsese, and he had never seen Cape Fear.  So we popped that in the DVD player and kissed on the couch like high schoolers.

He did end up staying the night, in my unnaturally messy room, which he completely tolerated (10 points for not being totally put off), but we kept it all pretty innocent and both went to work the next morning.

Now starts the inevitable waiting time . . . will he call? will I give in an text?

Secretly this is my favorite part of the beginning of any dating story, and you know after a really nice normal evening, I might actually want to see this guy again.

In fact, one of my first dates in college was with a lovely Irish Boston boy who I met at a party.  I gave him my number, but he asked me out via facebook.  The girls on my freshman floor were invaluable as we discussed whether a facebook date proposition was valid or not.  We decided that in the interest of me having a date (rather than not), we would allow it.  So off I went with my fellow f-book freshman.  The resulting evening was fairly entertaining, but that’s a story for another time.

The reason this particular topic has sparked my interest is because I’ve only now noticed the way that social media has played an active role in my day to day dating: doing everything from helping, hindering and creating a bit of daily drama.  I’m big on leading by example – so please, see below for some of my own experiences and for Pete’s sake share a few of your own!

Example #1: “I need some ‘cyber’ space”

I’ll go ahead and wrap up a little loose end and explain the social media related downfall of Manly Boy.  For those of you who’ve read some previous entries, you may recall that I was a little worried about the over-eager Manly Boy and how quickly he was trying to move – from zero to married in 2 dates flat.  Well, in the interest of spared feelings and fair shots at the happy ever after, I decided to let the pending relationship linger in limbo and give him a chance to cool his jets before deciding to end it.  After a bit of contact-less time last week, rather than catching the hint and taking a step back, he sought me out – in cyber space.  Now here’s the deal.  Fbook is fine.  For me it’s the standard network of acquaintances.  We were already friends.  So no weirdness there. But next came Twitter… awkward because my personal twitter is typically reserved for people that I don’t gossip about.  If he’s following me, I can’t post things like “Ack – crazy Manly Boy is freaking me out!”  So in my world a twitter request was pushing the envelope, but I suppose still fair game and not technically creepy.  Then there was LinkedIn. I mean really?  I kind of forgot I was on there before you found me – how strangely obscure.  And foursquare . . . which I had only been on for like four seconds when he requested the connection!  Then lastly, YouTube.  Yes, I’m in a friends film from college that I don’t particularly like the world to know about, but he sufficiently stalked my friend and then looked through her THIRTY-TWO videos to find the one I’m in – which alphabetically is quite far down her video list.

Oh, and he googled the company I work at, found my work email, and used it when I didn’t respond on my personal email – which I know isn’t technically social media, but it’s simply a bit internet creepy.

Moral of the story – we all know the resources are there.  That doesn’t mean you have to use them.

Example #2: Social Media is similar to US Weekly

Remember when AIM and all other forms of instant messaging first started?  I was probably around 11 when I got my first screen name.  It also brought about my first big fight with a girl at school.  Why?  Because typing shows no emotion and sarcasm gets taken as the truth.

Funny, about ten years later I had the same problem with a now previous boyfriend.

Now my first mistake with this one was a little too much access.  We had spent the summer together, and I had gotten my new mac.  Being a mac geek – something I found endearing at the time – he set it up for me. With that, he got my password… which happens to the password I use for everything.  So he had full access to my fbook account.  I wasn’t too worried about it.  We were pretty honest with each other.  So I didn’t have much to hide.

Until I went for my semester abroad. . . while he stayed home.

Fbook was the death of us.  Not that anything actually happened, but I’m a guys girl.  There were pictures of me dancing with my guy friends, stupid little joke messages between me and my guy friends, and pictures of me traveling with my guy friends.  Even things as platonic as messages discussing flight plans for Spring Break became an issue . . . What finally did it? A picture of me joking around for the camera by pretending to be the co-ed on EuroTrip – which involved me slumped against one of  my guy friends in a bar.  Of course that picture meant I was cheating on him . . .

Just like any picture of Brad without Angelina means divorce.

Lesson to be learned?  Seeing as I have over 1000 pictures tagged of me on Facebook, I think it’s safe to say they aren’t worth 1000 words.  And please, don’t go looking for God given proof of infidelity via anyone’s latest facebook album.

Example #3: Perhaps foursquare is best left on the playground

I just went to a movie a bit ago.  Recently I’ve become addicted to foursquare.  So I checked in, saying that I was at the movie theater (go see Get Him to the Greek). My check-ins get shared on Twitter and Facebook. Tad, the one who spurned what is now becoming a rather lengthy entry about social media, sent me a text not long after . . . “How’s the movie?”

Do I really need to explain why Foursquare is creepy?  Unless we’re on a date, you shouldn’t know where I am . . . or at least you shouldn’t comment on it.

That being said, we all know I’ll keep using it.  Though it means nothing, I want to be a mayor.

Example #4: Not all bad

Obviously I’ve ranted about those who have crossed the fine line of socially media acceptable.  I’m sure I’ve been at fault as well.  However, I at least get to cap off my examples/rant with a positive little tid bit that I hope turns out well.

As a twenty something out of uni and into the adult world, I find a frequent complaint amongst friends is how hard it is to meet people – this includes those seeking significant others and those just seeking some friends.  I agree with my cohorts.  We’re outside the realm of “What’s your name?” on the first day of school.  So it all takes a bit more effort.

In addition, life moves so quickly ,and people are so busy that you can meet someone and off they go long before you snag a number – not to mention the fact that no one even has home numbers anymore and everyone screens their cell phones.

So thank God for facebook.

A few entries ago, I put my dibs on a certain blonde trapeze instructor. It was figurative at the time, but in case there was any confusion – DIBS!

After our first encounter at a speed dating/activity event, I was particularly intrigued.  In between chatting up the singles I was supposed to meet and landing my first knee hang catch, we found we had quite a bit of common interests. He was really easy to talk to . . . and he looks good in tights (which I admit I never would have thought of as a plus, but trust me it is).

Unfortunately, I didn’t really get anywhere with him.  I think that whole student instructor thing got in the way. I wasn’t really willing to be very forward – a decision I regretted when I got home that night.

I decided I didn’t really have another choice. So online I went.  A few quick clicks on Facebook led me straight to his profile and I sent him a message.

No response . . . for ages.  F! I crossed the line . . . but then there was yesterday.

Turns out he’s not like the rest of us who check our profiles 12 times a day.  So he’d just signed on for the first time in weeks, and messaged me back.

So I got my response.  I got my date, and I guess I have my final say about social media.

It does cause me a bit of drama.  It does get a bit weird, but apparently it can also get me a date.  So I’m fine with it.

I have another friend who deals with a similar issue and to be honest, I don’t have an answer for it – if anyone has any words of wisdom about it, please share with the group!!

In the meantime, I did happen to make it out last night – nothing too crazy happened, but I thought a little something was worth sharing.

As most everyone in the world knows the World Cup is upon us (conflicted whether to cheer on USA or the Socceroos), and that means that the FIFA Fan Fest has kicked off around the world, including in Sydney’s Darling Harbour.  Most of the Sydney-ites who went to partake in the festivities enjoyed the fireworks in the company of thousands of others on the shores of Cockle Bay, but not me.  A best friend’s boyfriend happened to have a friend of a friend with a boat down there – so we swanked it up on the water.  One of those “does life get better than this?” moments.

Now, I rocked up with the party in the company of partnered people (all happily and I’m happy for them) keen to quickly separate the singles from the pack so that I knew what I was working with.  I narrowed it down to two who, with the help of the 3 drinks I already had and the liter of vodka lemonade I just mixed, should do just fine.

Spent most of the evening chatting with the friends I already knew rather than scoping out the new blokes, which was fine with me , but the perplexing moment came at the end of the night.

My friend, her boyfriend and I had thrown in the towel and decided it was time to head home.  We started making our rounds of “nice to meet you, bye” when I got to one of the resident single men – some sort of fitness trainer who I may as well call Tad.  He dopily said something like – “You’re leaving already?” and asked for my number.  I gave it over (I typically do – see the start of Stalking is Just Another Way To Enjoy the Hunt for my take on dating) knowing full well if he rang it could be interesting and if he didn’t I wouldn’t care.  He texted me so that I had his number . . . and then get this – about and hour later, after I got home, I got a notification on my crackberry that he friended me on facebook.

Is that now the social norm?  This has happened a few times lately, and I not entirely sure what to make of it.  Obviously I’m into the social media thing – blog, twitter, foursquare (I got the boat badge last night!), facebook – I mean really could I be more addicted?  And of course there is online dating, but are the two starting to mingle???

I sort of miss the days of basic communication . . . .

In an earlier blog I mentioned the infamous book (and now movie) He’s Just Not That Into you – 100+ examples of how to come to terms with the reality and move on from an unhealthy infatuation.  However, I may have stumbled upon a new phenomena . . . He’s just too into you.

But could there really be such a thing??  And if there could – how much is too much?

A couple quick details from the last date with Manly boy that I thought were menial but now are important.  In conversation I happened to mention that my family has a bourbon in it’s history.  I’m a born and bred Kentucky girl and my great + 4 grandfather was in the bourbon industry and his name happens to still be on the bottle… the very rare top shelf bottle from the still operating distillery.  Point two that is now important is that I mentioned my love of bluegrass music – it is a summer weakness, and I find nothing more relaxing than sitting on a porch with a bit of bluegrass music.

The date started pretty normally.  Mr. Manly was supposed to pick me up on the motorbike, but since it was raining used the car.  We headed to his part of town in the northern beaches of Sydney.  On the way, he plugged in his ipod.  He had downloaded a whole heap of bluegrass music from bands I had mentioned . . . sort of thoughtful – but a little eager to please for my taste.  I suppose I can’t fault a guy for trying to please me, though.

We dropped off the car at his apartment.  It had stopped raining by then and the restaurant is nearby.  So we planned to walk.  We popped inside – pretty standard bachelor abode, except for a few things, which, being nosy and pretty-forward me, I discovered on my self-guided tour.

The first thing I noticed was that on the kitchen counter were two bottles of bourbon: a bottle of the normal bourbon with from my family’s history and a bottle of the top shelf hard to come by bourbon with my great + 4 grandfather’s name on it.  Let me explain why this is weird.  I have only ever found 1 bottle of the top shelf bourbon in Australia.  It was in Melbourne . . . and it cost $300.  We are certainly breaching the normal level of eagerness to impress a girl here!

I handled the situation with as much grace as possible, trying to feign genuine surprise and excitement that he had gone through so much trouble for me . . . after only two dates.  I regained my composure and moved on from the kitchen only to find a bit of paper on the dining table:  a print out – two tickets to see a bluegrass band playing in Sydney . . . seventeen days from now.  Issue number one: I was planning on getting tickets for a friend and myself.  I don’t want to go with this guy I barely know yet.  I want to go with my friend.  Issue number two: I’m sorry, but did you just plan a date two weeks in advance without asking me?!  I mean come on – we’ve barely kissed!

So there you go – what started out fairly normal was starting to wave some flags.

That being said, I’m trying to give the benefit of the doubt here – can I really fault the guy for being overly attentive and eager to impress??

The rest of the date was pretty standard.  We checked out a relatively new restaurant, walked along the beach . . . until it started raining again, and cozied on the couch.

By the end of the date I had sort of relaxed and forgotten about the slightly stalker qualities of the first forty-five minutes.  Almost a week later, though, and it’s now mostly what I remember.

To be honest I think the barely there fireworks are starting to fizzle – but the eager beaver gets the worm . . . or something like that.  Anyway, I’m giving it one more date and we’ll see how we go

but it’s raining – so no motorbike : ( – oh well.  Will do my best to update tomorrow.

Before the movie, my Manly Boy (so called because he is from Manly . . . and Manly) took me to a yummy restaurant, De Vine – good food and desserts, but a little stuffy for a Friday night dinner and a movie – think of it as more of a 3 month anniversary spot for you romantic types.

Desserts rolled around and so far so good – I was enjoying being boozed and schmoozed.  We got to the movie, just as it started, and watched as Russell Crowe fought his way to Cate Blanchett.  There was some hand stroking and knee touching, but nothing too intense.

Once the movie ended, we went for another drink – me with my usual bourbon and dry . . . him with a caprioska (which worries me – boys never drink a fruitier drink than the girl your with), and then he drove me home.

Once we got home, he kissed me good night.  Here’s the thing – no spark.  None.  To be honest I have never had a kiss that was more . . . scientific . . . very much hand here, mouth here, and kiss.  Quite perplexing – another date that was perfectly executed by a quite gorgeous guys, but absolutely no chemistry.

So the question is – can the chemistry come late??

Guess we’ll find out because he texted me yesterday and I agreed to another date for later in the week… this time he’s picking me up on the motorbike and we’re going for a little dinner on his side of the bridge.

I have to admit, I’m kind of excited about this one.

It is a second date – the first date was earlier in the week, and I have to say it was a nice surpise.

First, don’t ever let it be said that you can’t meet speed dating.  I picked this one up at a Tommorow’s Date event.  A friend of mine runs them, and occasionally I fill in as the extra girl – loads of fun for meeting a fun few singles.  I met this one trapeze-ing… who knew it could be so thrilling (and kind of hot – you should see the instructors! – dibs on the blonde)?

Anyway, I sort of thought he forgot about me, but turns out he was just biding his time.  Whatever it was he sent me a message wondering if I’d like to go to a concert with him . . . he had an extra ticket.  So I went.  He picked me up from work, and I have to say I kind of forgot how cute he was.  Took me off my guard a little bit.  My mouth may have dropped a tiny bit – ha.

We had dinner; we went to the show; he bought me a concert tee, and he drove me home.  Not a bad first night.  Though I enjoy a night of spontaneity, it was kind of nice to have a well-planned date.

Anyway, he’s taking me out again tonight – dinner and movie… must say he was quite on his toes.  On the last date, I mentioned I hadn’t seen Robin Hood yet and really wanted to.  Two days later he’s got tickets booked for the fourth row . . . also thoughtful since I mentioned it as my favorite spot to sit in the cinema.

Crossing my fingers that tonight’s going to be a good night!  And with a little bit of luck I won’t be anywhere near my computer tomorrow morning to post an update – wink wink… but you should check anyway.

About 6 months ago, a friend of mine was having a going away party – moving back to Switzerland.  The night started at a good little pub called The Local.  I got off work late on that particular Friday, so rather than heading home first, I went straight to the bar and waited up for the rest of the group to arrive.

Upon arrival I sauntered up to the crowded counter to order my bourbon and coke and noticed the cute guy next to me struggling to carry six beers back to a table.  I explained that my friends weren’t here yet so in exchange for a little company, I’d help him with the drinks.  To my delight the table was full of single boys all enjoying a guys night out to celebrate one of them passing his bar exam.

I singled out the guest of honor and made my move.  He responded instantly, and we actually hit it off quite nicely.  Once my group of friends arrived, I joined them, but still managed to pay my dues at the table of boys. Chatting up the new lawyer and successfully getting a kiss goodbye when my party decided to head to a swankier location to wrap up.  I mentioned to my new lawyer friend that I was headed to a spot in the city, left him my number and walked out the door.

A couple hours and a few drinks later, I was lounging on a couch in the city when the lawyer plopped down next to me – apparently I was interesting enough to follow to the next bar (so I thought).  He surprised me with another kiss and we danced for an hour of so when another girl, clearly one that he knew, approached him.  His hand dropped mine, and he turned away from me to talk to her.  Supported by the influence of a couple drinks, I brushed off what was clearly a burn and moved away from the lawyer, only glancing toward him a couple more times that night.

The next morning, I strode home from my friends place – after having gone home with him – and received a txt from the lawyer.  ”Sorry about last night – long story.  If you’re not too offended, I’d like to take you out sometime.”  We mad plans for the following Tuesday.

Tuesday came and went – we both bailed…. at least we had something in common – workaholics.

So we made plans again – and things came up.

Now I’m a fairly level headed girl in the dating world.  So at this point I started to write off lawyer boy.  After all, it’d been two weeks since I’d seen him, and I know lack of interest when I see it.

However, he surprised me, and on a particular Friday night out he followed me – one step behind until I made my way home.  Finally succumbing to his frustration, he took a taxi to my apartment.  I had agreed to go for a walk and a drink if he came my way.  Roundabouts 12:30am I got a text saying he was outside.  When I walked into my driveway, there he was – in a tux with a skinny tie, sporting some Robert Redford tousled hair, and smoking a cigar.  Ha – remembering that, I’d do it all again.

We went for our walk, kissed on a deserted golf course, and hopped a cab back to his place.  What happened next was, I’m a little annoyed to admit, best sex yet.  Perhaps it is mostly in the memory, but regardless, it is what it is.  He was pretty delicious and figured me out pretty quickly.  So we spent the night doing it all, and then doing it again.

The next morning I got a sweet little wake up call, and we laid in bed until about noon.  He drove me home – quite out of the way from where he lived – thanked me for being spontaneous enough to go home with him in the first place, told me he’d call for that proper date finally, and kissed me good bye.

Radio silence.

After a meet cute that resulted him following me around the city, after texting me for two weeks, after following me through my night out and taking a cab to come find me . . . After what I thought was really good sex, after definitely sober morning sex, and after a drive home with a kiss good bye . . . not one phone call.

My hypothesis?  I think he has a girlfriend.

Lesson to be learned? Still trying to figure that one out – this might just be one for the records without much to take away from it.  Let me know if anyone’s got anything else to add though.